Features

Active Listening is a tool that is used in business and in organizations as well as by counselors to help understand what other people are really saying. Dr. Thomas Gordon first used the term “Active Listening” when he introduced his book on Parent Effectiveness Training. Active Listening refers to listening for both facts (content) and feelings. If someone said, “The guest speaker didn’t show up”, you might hear the anger in the person’s statement, but unless you reflected it back that person may feel you don’t understand the situation. So if you say, “You’re really angry (feelings) about the speaker not showing up (facts),” the person feels you understand the situation and how s/he feels about it. Also s/he will tell you if you reflected the wrong feelings—“No, I’m not angry, just shocked”—and you can reflect that clarification. This is the basic premise of Active Listening, which allows real communication to take place. The parent who yells at their child who asks for all thirty-one flavors of ice cream might try, “You’d really like all thirty-one flavors.” This doesn’t mean the child is going to get that request, but because you understood the feelings, compromise is more likely. The president of the chapter might say “You sound upset (disappointed, angry, etc.) about ________” and the member then feels you understand both the problem as well as his/her feelings about the problem.